Sirius- (Sputnik Sweetheart Fan Fiction)
by cmaginn
Summary: This is a fan fiction story based on the novel Sputnik Sweetheart by Haruki Murakami


Sirius

"But the boomerang that returns is not the same one I threw."

I finished reading the first document, shut the lid of the PowerBook, and sank uncomfortably into stiffness of the chair. Eyes closed, I let out a heavy sigh, feeling immediately overcome with shame. Under the blackness of my closed eyelids, all I could imagine was Sumire sitting in this exact chair, typing away furiously just days before. A single tear escaped my eyelid and ran slowly down my chin. There was no doubt Sumire wrote this. As I read through the document, I could hear her voice in my head narrating her dream. I could see the pain on her face as her mother disappeared into the open darkness. Her words were open and honest and I finally felt connected to her again. Since she had begun her travels with Miu I had felt so separated from Sumire; out of sync.

I felt dirty. I know I shouldn't have read one of Sumire's private documents. I know how upset she would be if she found out. Obviously she tucked the floppy disk away in the suitcase for a reason- out of reach from anyone else. But I suppose this is how Sumire lives- in a glass case of emotion. I worked for years during college to break into Sumire's mind. Sometimes I think I could have earned another degree studying her. I don't understand how she had only known Miu for months and could love her.

She herself wrote that our lives are an accumulation of misunderstandings- perhaps she was misunderstood about her feelings for Miu. Does Sumire know what real love is? Has she ever witnessed true love? Surely she hasn't from her father and stepmother. Perhaps her obsession with Miu has blinded her vision of what she knows to be true love. In her eyes, Miu is Sirius, the brightest of all. But how could she be so blind as to not see my love for her? I need to find her, I decided. She is my Sirius.

I opened my eyes and stared at the contents of the floppy disk on the screen. I read the title 'Document 2' about a hundred times and could feel the angel and devil of my consciousness circling in my head. I resolved not to read the second document. I had invaded enough.

But what if the next document explained where she went? Perhaps it included a map, a letter, or heaven forbid a suicide note. No. I decided I couldn't.

Instead, I slipped on my running shoes and walked out the door. I know I should have waited at the cottage. I doubted the police would call anyway. And I knew Sumire too well to believe she would just come walking through the door at any given moment. She wouldn't give up so easily. Although I wish she would. Instead I began to walk along the path near the cottage. I followed the trail toward the mountain and wandered between trails. For hours I walked in what felt like hundreds of circles around the cottage. At the time I didn't know what I was looking for but now it is clear.

I thought about what Sumire must be doing and thinking. She must have been incredibly upset to disappear for so long. I'm sure her encounter with Miu upset her but she is not one to just disappear. I thought about her alone and cold somewhere. I thought about her back in Japan, smoking a cigarette in the park. I thought about her sitting at her desk, writing.

"Give me a sign, Sumire. Help me find you," I said aloud.

Then I thought about Miu. I was stuck between thoughts of anger and pity. I am frustrated that she could drive Sumire to disappear, angry at her for stealing her from me, yet I know Sumire's disappearance is just as hard on her as myself. I couldn't imagine how hard it must be for her to inform Sumire's parents about the situation.

The sun began to sink slowly into the earth and before long; all that was left was the darkness and I alone in the woods. Once again I reached the top of the mountain, this time unintentionally, stumbling upon it like finding five dollars in a pair of old blue jeans. I could see the lights of the village in the distance and scanned the top of the woods for the cottage. I located the spot on the beach where I laid earlier today and traced the path back to the cottage. The view was unclear and all I could see was the light coming from Sumire's room. In my haste to leave, I must have forgotten to turn it off.

I sat down in the dewy foliage between the dark shadows and closed my eyes again. Even with my eyes shut in the darkness of night, I couldn't stop picturing Sumire sitting at the small desk in her room, typing away furiously on her PowerBook. Although she struggles to write, I doubt she had trouble producing Document 1. It felt organically real, like a diary. Then I remembered Document 2 and contemplated reading it once again. With no other means of finding Sumire or knowing where she might have gone, I hoped the Document 2 would provide answers. It was the only way, I decided.

I stood up from the grass and brushed the dirt from my shorts. 'When did it get so cold?' I thought as a shiver ran down my back. As I turned to descend down the mountain, the cottage caught my attention again, but not because of the light. Now it was dark. The light in Sumire's room was off. My heart began to race and I searched for the trail back down the mountain. But there wasn't one. I was surrounded by a maze of trees. 'How in the hell did I get up here?'

I looked back at the cottage again. The light was back on and after a few seconds flickered off. There had to be someone in the cottage. Either Miu had returned to the island or Sumire had come to her senses and returned. I imagined Sumire returning home and sitting down at her desk to document her adventure. I immediately shot down the mountain, darting trees and stumps. I ran directly toward the cottage, stopping for nothing- not even caring to re-tie the laces on my shoes.

The thought of finding Sumire in the cottage consumed me. I don't remember anything about running down the mountain that night. The doctors tell me I must have blacked out due to adrenaline or extreme fear. I must have tripped or fallen on the way. I remember waking up to Sumire's voice, as I lay at the door of the cottage, bloody and sore.

"K, what are you doing here? What happened to you? Are you okay?" she asked.

I reached out and touched her face. I began to cry out of joy.

"I came to find you. I thought you were gone."

She looked me directly in the eyes and I could see the empathy deep within her soul.

"Come on," she said.

She helped me up and walked me to her bedroom. I lay on her bed, tired and unable to move. Using a warm towel, she carefully wiped my wounds and stroked my forehead whenever I winced out of pain.

"I'm glad you came for me, K. You're a great friend."

"I love you Sumire," I said. She covered my wounds, changed my clothes, covered me with a warm blanket, and as she stroked my brow, I fell asleep. The deepest sleep I ever experienced.

I woke up propped against an old log, arms tangled in the weeds. My legs were bloody again and I was missing one of my running shoes. I opened my eyes but moving the rest of my body took time. Everything hurt. The ground was cold but the sun warmed my skin.

'I must have passed out during the fall,' I thought. As I stood, the earth began to spin and I was lost in the clouds. Limping the rest of the way down the mountain, I finally found the familiar trail. I walked back to the cottage. Limping, the walk felt like it took twice as long as yesterday. As I reached the cottage, I smelled eggs and burning toast coming from the kitchen. I opened the door and was greeted by Miu. She looked at me bewilderedly.

"Can I help you? Are you okay?"

Sumire stepped into the hallways from the kitchen, gripping a cup of espresso tightly in one hand. "K? What are you doing here? What happened to you? Are you okay?" she asked.


End file.
